英语搞笑话剧剧本
篇一：英语搞笑话剧剧本
wanderseveryfivemiles
焦仲卿johnny(jforshort)刘兰芝lunch(lforshort)
焦母johnny’smother(jmforshort)刘母lunch’smother(lmforshort)
太守之子mayor’sson(msforshort)强盗burglars(abandc)
prologue
(j作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,j被打中,狼狈不堪)
j:everybodysaysthati’mhenpecked,butinfact,i’masstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemy
wifeiswusong.
(指着上台处的门大声道)i’mnotafraidofyou!
(内砸出一脸盆,ｊ接住当成盾牌护着头)then,i’mafraidofwhom?
mywifelunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hood.sheisbraverthanme,
smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.allthisidonotcare.ionlywanthertobetender
thanme.butsheisnot!havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!
(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中j)
mygod!whocanhelpme?(下)
act1
(序幕结束时,jm作窃听状)
jm(拄拐棍上):ican!
(对门内)lunch!lunch!whereareyou?
l(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):i’mhere!what’supmum?
jm:i’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefuland
dearestmother-in-law”.
l:ok.mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup?
jm:sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so
lazy……
l:but……
jm:neverinterruptme!
l:neverinterruptme!sinceimarriedyourson,thatterriblejohnny,ihavebeenworkinghardall
daylong,cookingandwashing.ihaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchicken
and……
jm:butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!
l(生气地挥动着锅铲):oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)goandaskyour
son.i’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在jm的脸上,下)
act2
(lm坐在台上打毛线,l拿着锅铲上)
l:mum,i’mback!
lm:youareback?why?whathappened?
l:iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law.
lm(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):see!ihavealreadytoldyou!whenyouinsistedon
marryingthatterriblejohnny,itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlisten
tome.lookatyourself……
l:but,mum……
lm:neverinterruptme!
l:mum,i’mnotinterruptingyou.ijustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightok?and
i’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto.
lm(大喜):nicegirl!justnow,imetthemayor’ssoninthemarket.hesaid:“ifyoudaughter
haven’tbeenmarried,ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”nowyouarefreeagain,i’llgo
andtellhim.(下)
l(惊愕):what?themayor’sson?themostfamousplayboyintheneighbor-hood?(手中的锅
铲掉在地上)whatasillythingihavedone!(下)
act3
(j睡眼惺忪上)
j(边走边道):lunch!lunch!wherearemysocks?
(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)heretheyare!(闻一下) er!howsmelly!theyarestilldirty!
(突然想起)lunchhasgone!ihavetowashthemmyself.
(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)oh,i’msohungry!butthere’snobreakfast!(捡起地上的围
裙)thisiswhatlunchalwayswears!imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!now
shehasgone.ihavetocookformymotherandmyself.
jm(上):where’smybreakfast?where’slunch?hasn’tshegotupyet?
j:mum,can’tyouremember?lunchhasgone!
jm(沉吟片刻):well,totellyouthetruthjohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.lunchisanice
girl,goandtakeherback!
j(立正敬礼):yesmadam!
act4
(j开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)
a:heyyou!stopandlistentous!
theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)
b:andiplantedonetree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)
c:ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石头，但踩到了a的脚)
ab&c:giveusallyourmoney!
j(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出１角硬币):is1maoenough?
(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)
a:whatbadluck!thisguyisbroken!
b:ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!
c:iheardthatthemayor’ssonisgoingtomarrymissliulanzhinextmonth.wecangoand
robthewedding!
a&b:goodidea!
j(惊讶):what?what?lunchisgoingtogetmarried?it’simpossible!
ab&c:why?aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!
j:butlunchismywife!wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet!
(突然有了主意)i’vegotanidea!youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyou?i’llgo
withyou.youtakethemoneyanditakethebride.
b:haveyougotanyexperience?
j:no.buti’vegotthis!(j脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄１，０００，０００)
act5
(转眼已到了婚礼之期．ms意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，j盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)
(j和三强盗跃至台中)
abc&j:heyyou!stopandlistentous!
a:theroadisbuiltbyme!
b:andiplantedonetree.
c:ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---
j:giveusallyourmoney!
(l听到j的声音，掀起了盖头)
l(惊喜万分):johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到j的身边并躲到了的身后)
(ms大怒，挥拳向j打来．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后的l，l晕倒)
j(火冒三丈):howdareyoubeatmywife!（挥拳向ms冲去）
(j与ms混战，jm上，以拐杖击晕ms)
(j将ms胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)
j(扶起l，关切地问):honey,howareyou?
l(哭状):ihurtalot!
j:don’tcrybaby.i’llgoandfetchthemedicine. (下)
l(起身去追):waitforme! (跑下)
(音乐起 canyoucelebrate)
篇二：英语搞笑话剧剧本
英语话剧《新梁祝外传》剧本
中英文双语话剧《新梁祝外传》剧本简历封面
旁白：话说梁山伯和祝英台三年前一同来到刚刚成立的武汉新东方书院学习英语。梁山伯酷爱口语师从口语老师邓大付学习美国口语，尤其擅长模仿马丁路德金的演讲。（旁白暂停，邓英文“Ihaveadream”）。祝英台一心梦想出国，梦想有朝一日成为C主持人（旁白暂停，祝英文“thisiC….）最终祝英台以托福和GRE高分的成绩被哥伦比亚大学录取。在祝英台临走的那一天，梁山伯十八里相送在天河机场与祝英台缠绵告别。L:Yingtai，IloveyousomuchandI’llmiyousomuch.！
Z:Iloveyou,too!Don’tworry.ShaoIonlyloveyouinthiswildworld.I’llmarryyouaoonasI’mback.Waitformejustfortwoyears.
L:I’llkiyouacrothePacificOcean.
Z:I’llkiyoufromtheotherside.Waitforme.BoBo
旁白：一周以后，祝英台从美国打来越洋电话。
L:Oh,Sweetie,YintaiImiyousomuch,miyoueveryminuteeverysecond.Ohmydear.Areyoulisteningtome?
Z:Listen,LiangShao.I’mcallingtotellyouthatIlovedyou.ButIthinkyou’dbetterfindabettergirl.
L:What?Pardon?
Z:BecauseI’llgetmarried.
L:Married?towho?
Z:To英俊潇洒风流倜傥玉树临风的MaWencai..Heiohandsome.Sorich,evenricherthanYuMinhong.Andheisgoodat葵花宝典。IlovehismoneyandIlovehiody.
L:Whatareyoutalkingabout?Youwaitandsee.I’llgiveyousomecolortoseesee.I’llkillyou!IwillkillyouinAmerica!
Z:America?YoucancometoAmerica?Hahahaha
旁白：祝英台的无端背叛深深伤害了梁山伯脆弱的心灵，他发下毒誓：不杀祝英台誓不为人。于是重新来到新东方书院学习托福和ＧＲＥ。当然他没有忘记用老生证可以优惠20块钱。为了能飞越重洋去杀掉祝英台，他每天提醒自己有一个梦想。
Isaytoyoutoday,myfriends,soeventhoughwefacethedifficultiesoftodayandtomorrow,Istillhaveadream.ItisadreamdeeplyrootedintheAmericandream.
Ihaveadreamthatonedaythiationwillriseupandlivesoutthetruemeaningofitscreed:Weholdthesetruthstobeself-evident;thatallmenarecreatedequal.IhaveadreamthatonedayIwillkillZhuYingtairightinAmerica.Itisadreamthatdeeplyrootedinmyheart.Inmyheart.
旁白：一年之后，梁山伯也来到了美国，四处寻找祝英台的下落。终于在纽约街头找到他当年的爱人祝英台，而她正和马文才卿卿我我。
L:ZhuYingtai,longtimenosee,huh?WhoamI?I’mLiangShao.I’mheretokillyou.
Z:Liang….shao.Oh,Wencai.Heiscrazy.Hewillkillme.
M:You!Getoutofhere.
L:You!Getoutofhere!
M:电话来了。Hello,I’minwuhan.OkokI’llcomerightnow
Z:Pleasedon’tgo.Juststay,please.He’llkillme.
M:Iknow!ButifIstay,he’llkillmebytheway..
Z:Youtoldmeyouweregoodat葵花宝典?
M:Sorry,I’mnotgoodat葵花宝典.I’mjustgoodat新华字典。
Z:Oh,youliar.Justgetoutofhere!!(toLiangShao)Oh,darling,youmustkillme?
L:Yes,Ihaveto.BecauseIhateyoumorethanIcaay.
Z:(sing)Whenwewereyoung,welistenedtotheMP三
英语话剧《新梁祝外传》剧本第2页
,yousaidyou’dlovemeforever.Don’tkillme,ok?Shao.Iqiuqiuni..L:Nodoor!(sing)Whereyougo,whateveryousay,I’llberightherekillingyou.IonlyknowIwaorntoloveyouortokillyou.NowIcan’tloveyou,theonlychoiceistokillyou.
Z:曾经Onceuponatime,therewasatrueloveinfrontofme,Ididn’tcherishit.IfIwastomeethimagain,IwishtosayIloveyou.IfyouwouldaskmehowlongIwouldlovehim,Ishouldsaytenthousandyears.ThatmanisyouTheonlymanIloveinthiswildworldisyou.Onlyyou.(sing)
L:TheonlywomanIwanttokillison-lyyou!!
Z:Please,youknowIloveyou.Iloveyoujustlikelaoshuaidami.Iwanttomarryyou.
L:heheheReally?
Z:Oh,ofcourse.Pleasedon’tkillme!!!!
L:Tokillornottokillisaquestion.Idon’tknow.Whocantellme?Iputherlifeinyourhands.Everybodyhere,pleasetellmekillornotkill?
(tokill)
L:Youhearthis.I‘msorry.Butdon’tworry,I’llgotoheaventogetherwithyou.
Z:Allrightkillme,thenwe’llbecometwobutterfliesinthebeautifulgarden(sing)
(sing)
Z:亲爱的你别杀
杀了我你也没有好结果
L：亲爱的我也不想杀
可是大家非得要我杀
篇三：搞笑英语话剧剧本.1doc
搞笑英语话剧剧本《 荆珂刺秦王》 旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous sword
搞笑英语话剧剧本《 荆珂刺秦王》
旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman剑客 and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.
Action I
太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?
阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.
太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）
太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.
太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
阿三：Yes.
Action II（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）
荆轲
Are you Li mochou?
李莫愁
Yes.
荆轲
OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.
李莫愁
Are you challenging me?
荆轲
Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意
莫愁
Come on!
音乐起
两人冲上前来
“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。” 李莫愁倒地
荆轲大笑
李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?
荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （赢
一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）
李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right. 轲再次大笑
太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?
太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?
荆柯：Sure!
太子丹：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?
太子丹晕倒
荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please? 荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：
To be or not to be, that's a question.
阿三：Hero，we need your help.
荆柯：I am busy now!
太子丹：You can get a lot of money.
荆柯：I am very busy now!
阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?
荆柯：I am very very busy now!
阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.
荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!
阿三：What? What’s the TCM?
荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.
阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?
观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .
太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.
荆柯（激动）：Slimming减食疗法 tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.
阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗??
荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you. 太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!
Action Ш（《大话西游》主题曲响起）
荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.
阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.
荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends
太子丹：I will miss you, baby.
（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose
在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）
荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.
妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）
荆珂(流泪) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)
妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you. 荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.
妻子:"I promise."
荆轲:"Never let go. “妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."
（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。） 妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，
荆珂上船，渐渐远去
妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Nev
篇四：英语搞笑话剧剧本(四人)
甲:Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie<Avatar>? Yeah, you are right, I'm the director-- Cameron Diaz, applaud , thank you....Recently, I will direct a new movie called < Avatar 2 >, today, there will be a audition and I will select three actresses who can get the chance to perform in this film with famous actress---Anne Hathaway,OK, let's begin. At first , talent show, number one, let's welcome.
乙:(风情万种,妖娆妩媚地走进来,给观众一个飞
吻):oh,honey,dear,sweet,darling director, the most beautiful charming, sexy girl is coming , every body knows me, right? Yeah, I'm Nicole Kidman, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic dance show for you, I believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,(打个响指) come some music.(搞笑舞,自由发挥). (跳完,鞠躬,向观众谢幕), thank you,(面向导演), honey, is it a wonderful performance?
甲:(作目瞪口呆状),
乙:(在甲眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok?
甲:eh...my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous. Get out , next one.
乙:oh no ...sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面离去)
丙:oh it seems to be serious. God bless me(画个十字架,镇定地走到甲面前,伸出手), nice to meet you, director.
甲:(与之握手),nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.
丙:I'm Celine Dion, you know, I don't have too many
achievements, I just won five Grammy awards, 12 World Music Awards, 7 American Music Awards , 21 Juno Awards and(做沉思状) oh, I forget it , a Oscar Award, (同学鼓掌,乙作安抚状),oh, calm down, calm down,it's just a piece of cake for me ,you know, I....
甲:ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin
丙:OK!!! I'll use my first signature song to conquer you --my heart will go on, just enjoy it.
near, far, wherever you are
i believe that the heart does go on
once more, you opened the door(甲stop stop,丙不理,继续作深情状)
and you're here in my heart,
and my heart will go on and on.
甲:guard ,guard,help,drag this mad woman out.
Oh, I'm dying,hope the next one will give me a surprise 丁:(对着乙的背影,沉思状)to be,or not to be,it's a
question!(走到甲面前牵起她的手做亲吻状),I'm glad to see you,my dear princess.
甲(做娇羞状):oh, it's really a big surprise,so what's your name?
丁:My name? Oh, wait a minute. Do you know Trish Regan?(甲,白痴的摇头),eh..,it's ok,then how about Robin Meade?(摇头),and Melissa Theuriau?(摇头),(丁,情绪激动),you know nothing, how can you sit in here.
甲(指门,气愤状),you you you.....
丁:ok ok, it doesn't matter, you needn't learn about them, but you must know me, the most famous hostess who will catch up with those person and become the greatest poet---oprah! 甲:I don't care who you are, just show me your talent.
丁:ok ,listen,one poem,I have had found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her. When I lost her, I regret. It’s the most pain in the world. If God can give me another chance, I will say there words to her “I love you”!
甲(起鸡皮疙瘩状):oh, I can't stand, show you the door,
丁(转身离开,继续台词):If there is a time limit, I hope, it is (回头,对甲)10 thousand years.
甲:oh, it's really a terrible ,awful, horrible day,why it is such difficult to find an excellent actress.Oh, I'm dying,you three, come here,
三人跑进来,乙妩媚状:honey, you like my dance,right? 丙镇静状:director,you like my singing,right?
丁深情状:princess,you like my poet,right?
三人同声:we are past,right?
甲:eh..Thank you for your eh..Wonderful performance,but,I'm sorry to tell you ....(接电话) What? Nobody comes here except they three,oh...god.(挂电话,低头),you three,(抬头),pass!
三人欢呼,说:we make it,we are superstar!
乙(甜蜜状):that's very sweet of you,we love you so much(飞个吻)
甲:you know, you are not good enough now, but I'm look forward
to your progress.Do you have confidence? 三人齐答:yes,we do!
甲伸手,三人搭上,同声,fight,fight,fight!